Maid Of Honour Tips – How To Support The Bride
What role does the maid of honour (aka chief bridesmaid or matron of honour) play at a wedding? We looked in an earlier post at Bridesmaid Rules and Mistakes to Avoid, today we’re going to look at the role of the Maid of Honour (MOH) and how she can support the bride. She’s been chosen because she can be trusted implicitly and her reliability, but what does she actually have to do?
Wedding Planning & Keeping Sane
The maid of honour should meet with the bride to map out a wedding timeline and a to do list. If the bride wants her to go to specific vendor meetings then if at all possible she should. She needs to be the go to person for all questions and queries, and the way to be the font of all knowledge is to be involved in the planning as much as possible.
Help to keep the bride sane and laughing. She shouldn’t be afraid to tell her if she’s becoming a bit of a bridezilla! The maid of honour should give an honest opinion when asked. Don’t let the bride make a horrible mistake that could tactfully be prevented.
The maid of honour really should be taking the stress out of coordinating the other bridesmaids. She should connect with them all by email or text, get everyone’s contact information and ensure that they know that she’s the go to person for everything. She should ask the BMs to reply just to her for any queries. This means that she can keep any and all information in one place, and so that others don’t try to get involved in things that she is dealing with. Also she should be the go between for the bride and the BMs. It’s much easier for the bride to deal with just one person and will cut down on the possibility of confusion.
She should be able to delegate tasks to other BMs and ask for help. They are not there just to look pretty! The whole point is that they are there to help. The maid of honour shouldn’t have to take the full weight of all the tasks.
She should also make sure that all the BMs get to know each other before the wedding. This is especially important if one doesn’t know anyone else at all. It will be a happier bridal party if no-one is feeling awkward or sidelined.
Make sure that the dresses (hers and the other BMs) are all ordered in plenty of time. Things like shoes and accessories should also be coordinated by her. There may be a certain colour of shoe that the bride wants her maids to wear.
It’s really the job of the maid of honour to organise the hen do. Find out what the bride wants and then meet with the other BMs to find out how much everyone can afford. Or maybe there is something that the bride absolutely DOESN’T want! This should definitely be taken into account. Being in the wedding party is a big commitment financially. There may well be a variety of budgets to work to and some tact may be needed. If the bride doesn’t have any set ideas on what she wants then have a vote and ask opinions of the other BMs as to what to do. It’s important to involve the other BMs and hear their ideas so that they feel included. Coordinate calendars to make sure that all or most can attend.
Plan and take responsibility for the organisation and itineraries etc.
General Maid of Honour Rules
Be a good listener for everyone without judgement. This goes for the bride as well as the BMs. Planning a wedding can be stressful and the BMs may think that the bride is becoming a bit of a bridezilla. The bride may think that the BMs are not being supportive enough or excited enough about her special day. Both sides may need a tactful word here and there. The BMs may not realise how important this day is to the bride and conversely she may forget that her BMs have a life outside her wedding zone!
Set a good example and be on time for everything.
Whilst bridal showers are more of a thing Stateside, there may be something like that. It’s the maid of honour who should be making a note of who gave what so that the bride can write personalised thank you notes.
She should gather together an emergency kit for the wedding day in advance. Items such as paracetamol, plasters, hair pins, hair ties, safety pins, tissues, tampons etc. Snacks and bottled water may also be a good idea – it’s not cool if the bridal party starts keeling over with hunger or dehydration!
On The Wedding Day
The maid of honour should have a copy of the running order of the day, vendors and emergency details etc. so that she can help to make sure that the itinerary is kept to. If there’s a wedding planner the maid of honour should make sure that he/she knows to go to her with queries on the day.
Help the bride to get dressed and be at her beck and call, delegating tasks to BMs if necessary. She should also be prepared to run interference with difficult family member/guests to keep them from stressing the bride out.
Remind the bride to eat and drink water during the day. Depending on her dress the maid of honour may well have to help her on comfort breaks!
Hold the bride’s bouquet during the ceremony and make sure that it’s put somewhere safe during the reception. This could be by the cake or on the guest book table.
Keep the BMs in order, set a good example by not drinking too much and try to make sure that they don’t either.
Help the photographer with getting the relevant people together for photos if she’s been nominated as the guest wrangler.
It may be necessary to help to collect gifts/cards and put them somewhere safe as well as potentially helping to take down decorations at the venue.
As you can see, it’s not an easy job to take on, but a very rewarding one if the bride has a fabulous and stress free day!